emotional-mechanic

Rick wandered to my blog and made friend with me over i12know blog. He had a lot of good stuff like this a new life emerging: How emotionally mature are you?...

Emotional maturity is directly linked to spiriutal maturity. How are you doing?

1. You accept criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an
opportunity to improve.
2. You do not indulge in self-pity. You have begun
to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.
3. You do not expect
special consideration from anyone.
4. You control your temper.
5. You
meet emergencies with poise.
6. You feelings are not easily hurt.
7. You
accept the responsibility of you own actions without trying to make excuses.
8. You have outgrown the "all or nothing" or "black & white" stage. You
recognize that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad, and you
begin to appreciate the Golden Mean.
9. You are not impatient at reasonable
delays. You have learned that you are not the arbiter of the universe and that
you must often adjust yourself to other people and their convenience.
10.
You are a good loser. You can endure defeat and disappointment without whining
or complaining.
11. You do not worry about things you cannot help.
12.
You are not given to boasting or "showing off" in socially unacceptable ways.
13. You are honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune. You
have outgrown envy and jealousy.
14. You are open-minded enough to listen
thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
15. You are not a chronic
"fault-finder."
16. You plan things in advance rather than trusting to the
inspiration of the moment.
(These were adapted from a brochure I found at my
friend's AA meeting)

Then his friend even get deeper into the mechanic of directing emotion:

Monday, September 27, 2004
Think Reasonable

A handful of people have asked me for the following information on how to correct negative thinking errors. I've used this method several times over the past six months or so. It works. I can't urge you strongly enough to do it. A few days ago I used this to deal with that depression I was talking about, and no kidding, I got instant relief!

After a triggering event:

Step one: Identify (from a list if necessary) what emotions you are experiencing.

Step two: List your automatic negative thoughts related to these emotions and the current situation.

Step three: Identify the negative urges/actions you have in response to the negative emotions or event. The list I have includes: withdraw, cutting down self or others, conflict w/others, threats or actual harm to self, threats or actual harm to others, physical fights, alcohol use, drug use.

Step four: Run your negative thoughts through the 'filter' of the checklist (below) and write down your rational (de-escalating) thoughts.

Step five: Take positive (de-escalating) action.


***


List of Thinking Errors

All or Nothing Thinking (also called black and white, polarized, or dichotomous thinking): You view a situation in only two categories instead of on a continuum.

Anticipating Negative Outcomes: You expect that something negative has happened or is going to happen. Two types of thinking errors fall into this category:


Fortune Telling: You predict that something negative is going to happen in the future, as if you were gazing into a crystal ball.

Catastrophizing: You tell yourself that the very worst is happening or is going to happen, without considering other possibilities that may be more likely and/or less negative.

Disqualifying or Discounting the Positive: You unreasonably tell yourself that positive experiences, deeds, or qualities do not count.

Emotional Reasoning: You think something must be true because you "feel" (actually believe) it so strongly, ignoring or discounting evidence to the contrary.

Labeling: You put a fixed, global label on yourself or others without considering that the evidence might more reasonably lead to a less disastrous conclusion.

Mental Filter (also called selective abstraction): You pay undue attention to one negative detail instead of seeing the whole picture.

Mind Reading: You believe you know what others are thinking, failing to consider other, more likely, possibilities, and you make no effort to check it out.

Overgeneralization: You make a sweeping negative conclusion that goes far beyond the current situation.

"Should" and "Must" Statements (also call imperatives): You have a precise, fixed idea of how you or others should behave and you overestimate how bad it is that these expectations are not met.

Maladaptive Thoughts: Problematic thoughts that do not contain logical thinking errors. These thoughts may be true. However, dwelling on them makes you feel more anxious and may interfere with your performance.


***


For Example:


I was sinking in a hole...depression!

My emotions: helpless, hopeless, inadequate, insecure, weak, paralyzed.

My auto-negative thoughts:

I didn't write these down, but they are reflected in the subsequent rational thoughts. Basically I felt horribly pessimistic upon awakening (for several days in a row) and could see no hope nor any way out.

My negative action/urge: withdraw (always!)

My rational (de-escalating) thoughts:

My day CAN'T be all bad, all gray, all meaningless. My feelings aren't the reality of the world. (knocking off all or nothing/black&white thinking)

My feelings COULD take a turn for the better--that is not an impossibility.

I COULD FEEL something positive in the course of the day. (knocks off fortune telling of the negative kind.)

Depression is serious and no fun, however it is not the worst thing that could happen. (knocks off catastrophizing.)

I DO get up every morning and go to work. That does count for something. (knocking off disqualifying, etc.)

What is the less disastrous conclusion? I'm struggling w/depression, sometimes I don't feel like fighting it--that does not make me a bad person. (knocking off labeling myself as bad.)

The neighbors may or may not, my family may or may not judge me for not working full time--for my 'easy' lifestyle. But they DO SEE that X and Y are good kids. They cannot deny that, and the kids and my depressions are the main reasons I choose not to work a full time job. (knocking off mind reading.)

I am depressed TODAY. That does not foretell or guarantee I will be depressed FOREVER. (knocks off overgeneralization.)

It is not the end of the world that I don't meet my own expectations. I will focus not on what is lacking, but on the little things I CAN do. (knocks off "should" and "must" statements.)

For me, just reviewing these statements is a positive (de-escalating) action.


This is a pretty basic example. Correcting my thoughts in this way helped me to feel better instantly. As I reminded myself of these truths throughout the day, my day seemed to get better and better. My classic response to that type depression is to believe that it is chemical, at least in part. I was surprised by how well this process worked. I don't think we're as bound by chemicals as we might think. (Just a thought.)

(Source: My shrink.)
posted by Laura 3:57 PM