Good advice on welcome people...

Tod struck again:

Bill Rice wrote the following comment:
Tod, I almost think that you need an intro to the whole discussion giving a greater context to the "Handshake and Entrance Rituals". That it is not a stand alone concept, but how it can be integrated into a larger effort to build a true community, especially for those who have not had the opportunity to attend a service at San Clemente Presbyterian. The paragraph from your book is helpful. For a greeting to be successful of any type in any church, there must be sincerity behind it. This means it needs to be modeled from the church leadership on down and practiced...
As you can tell, Bill goes to the church where I am the pastor. He is also a naturally friendly guy. But I will elaborate a bit on his point about the "entrance rituals" being part of a larger effort for sincere welcome in the community.
And our philosophy of welcoming people to our church is based on two principles. In a nutshell, it goes like this:
Official greeters, fellowship times and pastors don't count if "regular" people don't welcome a new person.
Official greeters, fellowship times and pastors create a "culture" of welcome for "regular people" to more readily extend themselves.
Most every church study shows that when a new person comes to a church, they don't really consider the church friendly unless they are greeted and welcomed by "regular" people. That is, there must be a sincere attitude of extending oneself in welcome by the people in the pew and not just the "hired" or "official" greeters. If only pastors greet them, they'll say the church is not friendly. But if a regular person invites them to have a simple cup of coffee after the service, they'll say it's the friendliest place in town.
BUT, I truly believe that what is modeled by every volunteer in the parking lot, at the door, every usher, every pastor and staff person and through the time set aside in our service is that we value EVERY person extending themselves to every other person. So, before we do anything else in the service, we stand, cross the aisles, walk around the sanctuary and greet the people around us. We don't think this "1 minute official greeting time" is the end of our hospitality, but tilling the soil for a culture of welcome.
So, tomorrow at church, extend a hand and welcome a new face, whether you have a greeters ribbon on you or not. Next post, what the "Passing of the Peace" is meant to be (and how it's not a welcome ritual).
Saturday, March 12, 2005 in Church Musings Permalink
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Comments
In each Elders meeting I'm asking "Who met a new person this month?" It does help to put that in front of those who should be setting the pace.
Posted by: Peter Bogert March 12, 2005 08:18 AM
Wow! You don't know how profound and right on your comments are about greeting ritual, friendly regular folks and the different impact they make. Actually obviously you do know!! What's so amazing is why most churches/members can't see the difference.
I am a "community chaplain" in an area where there are many churches of my faith. So I have taken many of the people I work with who are reaching out to Christ (read that lonely; drug addicted; handicapped; single parents; at-risk teenagers...) to a church selected because it is near their home to visit. In all of the churches, it has been nearly impossible to find peope who are willing to invest ANY time or effort or interest or friendliness beyond that required by their church job--ie greeter, Children's teacher, musician, deacon etc. Sort of like WalMart workers...
To go a step beyond, --perhaps as even our MINISTRY becomes ritualized, the youth can see our hypocricy quicker than we can. I worry about the youth...
In one Church I began bringing 8 or 10 teenagers to a church--shaved heads, tatoos, tongue jewelry etc and a couple "thoroughly respectible" kids. Neither they nor I knew a soul. No one and I mean not one person greeted or spoke to them. The next week I saw a friendly appearing man across the aisle from me. "AHA!" I thought. I wrote a note telling him about the kids and asking him if he would talk to them after church. He was wonderful. He welomed them, engaged them in conversation, made them smile. Wow, I thought, this church is friendly after all! As the kids were walking out, I thanked the man and asked how long he had been in that congregation. His reply brought us both a moment of bitter-sweet delight. "This is my first time, he said. "I'm a visitor too!"
Keep up the good work. Education, inspiration, training--I think they're all part of the answer.
Posted by: Judy Burton March 12, 2005 08:21 AM
"But if a regular person invites them to have a simple cup of coffee after the service, they'll say it's the friendliest place in town." Aha! So if the church provides the coffee in the narthax (along with donuts or pie -- maybe AND pie) it's easier for regulars to mingle. So there is a role for rolls.
Still, leading the horses to water doesn't make them drink, at least not with strangers. But you can encourage. You can even pressure during the service: "First person on the aisle in the fron row -- would you stand up. Now skip a row -- first person on the aisle in the third row -- would you stand up. [And so on to the back.] After the service, I'd like the people in the odd rows -- hey, this is an odd thing we're doing -- to have coffee or tea or juice with the person behind them. And you people in the back row with no partners -- join the person in front of you. If you have kids in a class somewhere -- don't worry. The teachers won't take them home. They'll wait for you. Now I know some of you don't want to do this, and that's alright. Just tell your coffee partner that they wouldn't like you. You're too busy to be liked. You'd have the time if they were Jesus, but they're not, so you're too busy -- oh, wait, that's not what Jesus taught in the Good Samaritan parable, is it. Well, just tell them you're not very likable. Or better yet, pretend you are for three minutes."
There is something to be said for pretending. Being polite is pretending sometimes, but because you do it you sometimes build acquainances that turn into friendships. So doing ritualistic or rote or even forced familiarity activities can build bridges -- would race relations have improved as much if the country had not been forced to interact a bit more than we did in the '50's?
OK -- I'm done now.
Posted by: George Ertel March 12, 2005 04:31 PM
Tod, this comment isn't so much about the specific issue but it stirred up another question with me.
"Regular people" - in the context of your post this refers to those not acting as specialists (i.e. the greeters or parking lot attendants)
As I try to figure out how big is too big and how complicated is too complicated it strikes me that when a church needs parking lot attendants and greeters it MIGHT be a sign that some sort of line has been crossed. (not in the sense of right vs. wrong but in good vs. best)
In other words, when Sunday mornings (or any gatherings) are largely dependent on NON-regular types it might not be best.
I realize I'm not articulating this very well but the "regular people" phrase has really stuck with me.